Blood, wedding and booze
by strangeland
Summary: The Hangover fanfic / A story about how was the night Stu met Jade and got married with her. For all the "Stade" fans.


Blood, Wedding and Booze  
(a fanfic about the night Stu met Jade and married with her)

{ This is totally a fanfic about the movie "The Hangover", specially about Stade (Stu/Jade).

I wrote the story in portuguese, but then I re-wrote in english so anyone who speaks other languages can read it.  
I hope you like. But I must say that there might be some wrong words. I don't speak english fluently, but I do my best to not make mistakes.  
The title is based on a Green Day song called "Blood, sex and booze", but the story itself have nothing to do with the song. I just sayed that because a Green Day would ask me about the title ^.^ }

When Phil, Alan, Stu and Doug entered into a strip club, Phil put his hands on the shoulders of Doug, making him walk inside the place.

- This night is yours, Doug. Because after the wedding, your life will only get worse! So we celebrate today, here in this strip club. – he said while laughing.

- Phil, come on! Marriage is a nice thing - Stu said.

- Thank you, Stu! - Doug hugged Stu and they both staggered.

- Relax, Doug, I won't tell my sister! - Allan said.

The four chose a place in the corner of the club and sat down. Phil waved to one of the waitresses from the club and asked a few drinks when she approached. One of the strippers at the club approached the table of the four men who appeared to be "drunk". She was wearing a black fishnet stocking, black panties and a black and white brassiere.

- Hello, boys - said the stripper - Interested in a "lap dance"?

- Yes, yes! Our friend will get married. Today is the bachelor party - Phill pointed to Doug

The waitress approached bringing the drinks. Put them on the table while the stripper talked some things with Doug.

- I think this is not a good idea - said Doug

- Relax, Doug - Phill said. He looked to Alan and saw him holding a camera. - Alan, do not take pictures of it.

- Ok, Phill - Alan kept the camera.

The stripper sat on Doug's lap and began to dance sensually. Phil and Stu stared and started to laugh hysterically. Alan, on the other hand, was wondering how it would be if the walls of the club had clouds and airplanes wallpaper. But while daydreaming, another stripper sat next to Alan and said, "Hello, big boy. I love bearded men." "Thank you" is what Alan said and took his pager of his satchel and began to look at him.

The stripper who did the lap dance in Doug was gone after one minute after Doug have put $ 100 into her panties. Stu looked to the stripper alongside Alan, who Alan was ignoring.

- They say that bearded men are "rough." You like it rough?

- What? – Alan asked.

- You know ...

- Ah, wrestling? I don't wrestle. But I play World of Warcraft sometimes. I have to be rough to kill some enemies.

The stripper smiled, stood up and left. Phil, Stu and Doug laughed hysterically. Alan asked why they were laughing, but they refused to answer.

After a few minutes, sipping their drinks, Stu and Doug returned to talk about marriage. Alan was bored, wondering when they would get out of that place. On the stage, there was a pole. And it seemed like a stripper would appear on stage at any time.

- Doug, there's nothing better than love at first sight. Did You fall in love with Tracy at first sight? – Stu asked.

-I don't know. I think it was the second ... or third ... sight. I cann't tell.

- Love at first sight exists and it's the most valuable.

The stage became brighter and began playing "You can leave your hat on" by Joe Cocker. Everyone looked at the stage. A blonde woman in skirt and blouse and hat took the stage and began to dance sensually. Removed her blouse, pulled her skirt and began a poledance. Her hat fell off her head and another man who was watching the dance took her hat.

Stu stared open-mouthed at the woman. Grabbed the left arm of Doug and said:

- My God, I would marry this woman here, right now. She is perfect. She can be ... my soulmate.

- What? Control yourself, man - Phill said laughing.

The blonde stripper was, only God knows why, with brassieres, one pink and one blue. She swinged wildly on the pole. Stu stood up and called Phil, Doug and Alan to accompany him. Stu arrived near the stage on the left and sat in the chairs. Phil, Doug and Alan followed Stu and sat near him. The stripper glanced at Stu and realized how much he didn't take his eyes off her. She knelt down and made a little dance in front of Stu. Stu didn't content to be quiet and asked:

- What is your name?

- Jade – she said smiling - and yours, handsome?

- Stu ... Price ... Stuart ... Doctor Price.

- Oh shit, here we go. Excuse me, but I'll find a stripper for me. It's better than listening to Stu saying he's a doctor - Phill told Doug and moved to the corner of the club where sat in a couch. It did not take long for a stripper to appear at his side.

Doug asked Alan's camera. "I need to take pictures of it," he said.

Stu pulled out two $ 20 from his pocket and, laughing, showed Jade. She smiled, pointed to her panties and he put the notes and said:

- You are so beautiful. You deserve all the money in the world.

- You are so sweet - Jade said.

Stu took more money from his pocket and tossed gently Jade, in a way that looked like a money rain. Meanwhile, Alan was almost asleep. He was with his elbow on the strippers' stage with the world's largest boredom. Doug, on the other hand, took a picture after another of Stu and Jade.

Alan put his face on stage and slept. Jade knelt and passed her right hand on Stu's face, and then he took her hand and sucked one of her fingers. At this time, Doug took another picture. Jade smiled sheepishly and gave him a kiss on Stu's cheek. The dentist felt his face turn red. He was feeling that he was being seduced by the most beautiful woman in the world.

- Why don't you come and dance? - Said Jade

Stu agreed. Took the stage and hanged on the pole.

- Woman, you will be seduced with all my charm now - Stu swinged widly on the pole. Doug laughed hysterically.

Jade tried to dance next to Stu, but the dentist was wild, dancing in a comedic way. Doug asked Stu to look into the camera. Stu looked to Jade and asked her to appear on the picture with him. She grabbed the back of Stu as he made a, let's say, "sexy face".

One of the security of the club approached the stage and asked Stu to come down, claiming that the stage was just for dancers. He then left the stage with his hands in the air, giving to understand that he did not want any fight.

So Jade vanished from sight to go to the backstage. A stripper redhead appeared on stage to dance. Stu was worried, looking for Jade. A minute later, Jade appeared in front of Stu. She became interested in the man wearing glasses and gray shirt. And it was not because he had given her money, but because she thought he was wildly funny.

- God, my goddess of Olympus is here.

- Hello again, doctor! Mind if I stay here?

- I'm so glad you came back. I thought you were gone just to not make your friends look ugly strippers at your side.

Jade was completely red at this comment. She laughed and said softly:

- You're so sweet! - Put both hands on the shoulders of Stu. And then Stu invited to sit on a sofa against the wall of the club.

Doug woke up Alan and said that a place like this, a man can not just sleep. Alan understood and followed Doug to a sofa at the club.

Stu and Jade were sitting right next to each other. For a moment, Stu felt embarrassed to be there.

- Tell me something: why I've never seen you around here? - Jade asked.

- Oh, I don't live here. I live in Los Angeles. Today, my friends and I are celebrating the bachelor party of Doug, who was taking pictures.

- Cool!

- We came here by car.

- It is my impression or are you more excited than him? - And she put her hand through his hair Stu.

- I? I? - Stu stammered - No. .. I do not know. I think it's because I found my soul mate and she is in front of me.

Jade laughed and took a sip of the drink Stu.

- If I'm your soul mate, then we have to figure it out by asking questions - Jade said.

- I agree! You can start now. - Stu said.

- What is your favorite color?

- I like gray.

- Oh, I like blue - Jade said in a sad tone.

- What is your favorite fruit?

- I like strawberry ... and peach.

- I like strawberry too! My favorite! See? - Said Stu excited - we have something in common! Now let me ask you ... What are your favorite singers?

- Oh, I like Madonna, like the Tina Turner ...

- I love both of them - Stu tried to disguise that he was lying because he hated Madonna.

- I really like Elvis Presley too - Jade concluded.

Stu made a surprised face and said:

- I love Elvis! - Said very excited, this time telling the truth.

- My goodness! - Jade laughed.

- Do you know ... Jade, I'm a visionary. I see the future when I just look at people.

Jade was a caring Stu's face. Her pink nails slid on his face. And he took Jade to look in the eyes. She was showing an interest on him and, he being drunk, could not differentiate whether it was because she was enjoying it, or if she wanted his money. But, in fact, Jade was there to hear Stu.

- Talk more about you - said Jade.

- I'm a doctor. - Paused - I'm actually a dentist. Working in downtown Los Angeles, my sign is Pisces and ... And you are invited to visit me in Los Angeles or in the room I'm staying at the Caesar Palace.

- I love the Caesar Palace! It's so beautiful. Maybe I'll make a visit there for you - made a funny seductively face to him and leaned her face to Stu's neck to kiss him.

- Women, you don't want to see me horny in this place. You might be fired.

Jade laughed out loud. She leaned her head on his shoulder and both laughed more.

- Why don't you talk more about you right now? - Stu said.

- I work here from 23:00 until 05:00. I take care of my son Tyler by the afternoon, I do yoga ... My zodiac sign is Capricorn!

- You have a son?

- Yes He is 5 months old. His father went away to another state when I said I was pregnant. I guess I'm not lucky. - Said in a sad tone.

- My God! This guy is an idiot! If I had a child with you, I would never do such a thing. Not only for you but for the baby too.

- Stu ... you're cute - and Jade kissed him on the lips. Stu slid his left hand behind Jade's body and pulled her closer. She tasted alcoholic drink in his tongue but ignored.

Alan, Doug and Phil, who was a little distant, saw the scene of Stu and Jade kissing. All of them were amazed.

After sometime, some conversations between the couple, Stu called his friends to come closer and said he had to say something very important. Jade did not understand what was happening.

Stu, standing, looked at his friends and said:

- My friends, I want you to witness a historic moment.

Stu knelt, took out the ring and showed it to Jade his grandmother's ring.

- Jade, will you marry me? If you accept, I'll be the happiest guy on the planet. More than Doug.

Phil, Alan and Doug started laughing and applauding Stu. Jade put her hands on her face and happily agreed.

- You agree to marry, like, today? Now?

- Yes! I agree! There's a chapel next door that makes weddings anytime!

- Great! We will go there soon!

Stu and Jade kissed romantically at the club. After a few minutes of conversation between Jade, Phil, Doug and Alan, Phil decided to say something.

- Hold on ... - Phill stood in front of Jade. - He told you he was a doctor. The truth is that he is not a doctor! He is a dentist - Phil put his hand on belly and laughed.

- It is true. If you have children with him one day, do not let him take care of your child's teeth! - Alan said while laughing. Stu was completely serious now.

- Why are you saying this? I am a great dentist! I clean your teeth almost every month, Phil! And Alan - turned his face to Alan - you ... should go to the dentist.

- Yes, a "real" dentist!

- Hey, I'm a real dentist! - Stu was getting pretty nervous - I'm so good dentist. If I had my equipment here, I would make a cleaning here - finished the sentence in a higher pitch.

- Don't talk like that with Stu, folks. I trust that he is a great dentist – Jade said

- I bet $100 that Stu is not a good dentist. If he is, then he has to pull his own tooth here. – Alan said

- Alan, he asked her to marry him! He can not marry without a tooth - Doug said a little worried.

- You know what, Alan? I can pull my own tooth; yes! If today was a year on middle-age and pull the tooth was a way to show my lady that I am a true knight, I'll pull my own tooth now!

Stu went to the bar and asked the club pliers. He explained that he was attending a bet and needed pliers because he would marry a few minutes. Jade was trying to change his mind the best she could, but Stu just ignored.

One bartender gave pliers to Stu and then he showed the pliers to Alan. Stu put the pliers in his lateral incisor and started pulling. He put all his strength to pull the tooth. Luckily, he only felt half of the pain because of all the beverage and ruphylin. After few mintures, his tooth was pulled, and a lot of blood came out of his mouth. Doug photographed the moments when he pulled tooth.

Alan, upset, payed the $ 100 to Stu, and he gave his tooth to Alan. Jade asked the bartender cloth wrapped in ice to Stu to stop the bleeding.

- See, Alan? I am a real dentist! - Wiped the blood that fell over his chin. I need to talk to the bartender right now.

After some time, Stu pulled Jade to a place and said:

- I'm sorry I pulled my own tooth because of Alan's bet. Sorry I look like a redneck now. I hope you don't change your mind about us. I know we just met in such a little time, but I really want to have you around and I want, one day, that your child can count on me like I was his father. I really think you're very special.

Jade was blushing. She looked down, grabbed the hands of Stu and said:

- I haven't changed my mind, you can stay calm. I'm very happy because I met you today. You're sweet! I didn't want tos ay that, but I guess I never met a man as sweet as you! - She took her right hand from Stu's hand and stroked his face. - I accept to marry you, Mr. Price. I believe it can be one of the most funniest day in my life.

Stu was perplexed. He grabbed Jade by the arms and kissed her. She said she needed to find some clothes and then they could go to the chapel. She went backstage at the club and returned with a blue dress. All of the five guys went to the chapel next to the club.

Arriving at the chapel, everyone stopped in front of the counter and everyone was talking too loud. Stu didn't take his hands on Jade's waist any minute. She was enjoying this moment. She thought it was too much craziness that kind of thing, but for her, the meaning of life was to have fun.

The owner of the chapel appeared along with his assistant.

- Can I help you, gentlemen?

- We came to get married - Stu said. - I'm Dr. Price and this is my fiancée, Jade - He presented Jade to the owner of the chapel.

- Oh, that's wonderful! My name is Eddie! - Said the man with a strange accent. - We have a lot of wedding souvenirs!. We have a lot. There's just pictures, pictures and posters, calendars and cups...

- I want everything you can make with our photos. - Stu said as he slammed his palm on the counter.

- So can it be the Premium kit? –Eddie asked - Photos, Poster, cups, baseball caps with photos taken after the wedding ...

- This, this, this - Stu interrupted. He took out his wallet and credit card and gave to Eddie.

Eddie was smiling and asked the assistant to get the clothes of the groom, bride and groomsmen.

All the guys were looking at the clothes hanger in the chapel that stood there ready to be used for any person who appeared there to marry. Stu and friends agreed to wear a blue suit, while Jade tried a dress alone. They were changing clothes in a reserved part of the chapel. Eddie constantly appearing near Stu and Jade and thanked nonstop because they have chosen his chapel.

After 7 minutes, everyone was ready to marry. Phil, Alan and Doug were positioned in the small chapel altar. Stu straightened the collar of the suit in his groom position, and Jade, with a yellow dress, a cowboy hat and a bouquet of red roses, was up to the entrance of the chapel just as a bride to walk until the altar.

Jade walked slowly down the aisle. Smiling all the time. She had no idea why she agreed to do something so crazy as to marry a stranger. As she walked, she thought about her life. She chose to be stripper and scort girl in a well thoughtfull way, but aren't the kind of professions she was proud. She wanted things to change someday. Perhaps, accepting to marry a stranger, a dentist from Los Angeles could make her life happier, and be a good father to her son, Tyler.

Phill leaned a little to Stu's ear and said: "Congratulations, Stu. She is beautiful. You deserve much happiness with her, and not with Melissa. "Stu smiled.

"Bridal Chorus" from Wagner was playing in the chapel. Alan, Doug and Phil were quite happy for their friend. It could be the effect of alcohol and ruphylin the fact they were finding it a normal situation, but everything Stu said was by heart.


End file.
